WWYD (Update--I found out)

"Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer" (smallbear94)
10/11/2018 at 08:32 • Filed to: None

Turns out shoulder, horn and a half-assed attempted paint swappery is the answer. Had there not been a shoulder, it’s possible the answer would include beheading.

That is all. Enjoy your day.

*Original Post*

Inspired by the left lane hog post below.

Not sure what I would have done. Probably something stupid and arrest worthy.

This has probably been shared before, seeing as it was from January, but I just ran across it.

DISCUSSION (69)

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:30

I would have been on the phone with the cops, that guy is impeding traffic.

Quadradeuce > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:31

Huh, TIL that people in Britain do NOT know how to queue.

Kinja'd!!!

Spanfeller is a twat > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:31

In Spain (the country I use for my post) , impeding the path of the left lane is a “serious” offense according to the DGT; the fine is 200 euros. However, a loophole is found under the same law, since it says that any “reasonable” excuse to use the left lane would warrant removing or invalidating the fine.

marshknute > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:31

I’ve never seen a situation like that before, so no idea how I’d react.

That said, I do EDC a pocket knife, and tires are weak to sharp objects. A few hundred dollars in new tires seems an appropriate penalty for being a dick.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
08/09/2018 at 12:32

Oh, I’d definitely have called in the plate numbers . But to help you, they’ve got to break through the traffic first.

TysMagic > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:32

We should compare the answers in my post to what comes up here. Whatcha bet they’re different?
https://oppositelock.kinja.com/how-does-oppo-handle-road-rage-1828218629

facw > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:35

Anonymously Reporting Dangerous Driving to the DVLA

Also a lot of honking...

Probably also calling the police.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > marshknute
08/09/2018 at 12:36

That was my initial thought. But then you’re stuck harder.

Depending on how long it went on, I could see myself breaking down and

(A) Making full use of my steel bumpers and pushing them, hoping the airbags won’t go off

(B ) Forcibly throwing them into their passenger seat and parking it on the shoulder, then taking measures to stop them getting back into traffic (Assault )

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > TysMagic
08/09/2018 at 12:38

Your post attracted a lot of philosophical, theoretical stuff. I’m most interested to see if the “take a breath and calm down” people change their tune in this situation

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > facw
08/09/2018 at 12:40

This is the calm, rational answer. I’d hope I could limit myself to that.

That too but my horn is already kinda fucky from a very long blast at some strikers blocking the road

Arrivederci > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:42

I absolutely loathe people who do that, same as folks who refuse to move out of the passing lane, since they feel they’re going fast enough.

I had someone try and do that to me on a surface street, but I managed to get around them... I was only trying to make my turn at the next street instead of “getting ahead.”

LOREM IPSUM > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:46

Nope. I’d be out of the car committing my first felony in short order. Please don’t do this to me.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Spanfeller is a twat
08/09/2018 at 12:47

There’s a concept I really like, I think it was a law somewhere but I’m not going to name names because I can’t remember 100%. It goes like this:

- Driving in the left lane? Go ahead. Drive wherever you want.

- Doing below the limit in said left lane? Knock yourself out.

- Want to pass aforementioned slow driver on the right because they won’t move over, or you just don’t want to wait for them to clue in? Have at it bro.

- You’re getting passed on the right? That’s a ticket.

Basically, limits are so low “Slower Traffic Keep Right” doesn’t actually work because the slow traffic is usually already speeding. Charges won’t stick and therefore the cops don’t bother most of the time. This is a black and white situation. You got passed on the right. Of course the cop still has discretion as to people turning or the passer being an asswipe, but it’s much more definite.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Arrivederci
08/09/2018 at 12:48

*Casually dips into Jeremy Clarkson’s toolbox*

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > LOREM IPSUM
08/09/2018 at 12:49

I hope I would have enough restraint. But I have my doubts.

TysMagic > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:51

my exact thought! And why it’s so difficult for my wife to accept “let it go” as a solution. When you’re in the situation, emotion is hard to control!

OPPOsaurus WRX > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:51

thats when you and the and they other few people assist the guy in moving his car out of the way. toss him in the back, move the car off the road and toss the keys in the woods. fuck that guy.

Spanfeller is a twat > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 12:54

That seems like the right thing to do, actually. Fine based on whether you’re getting passed on the right lane or not.

A concept I’d love to have implemented on a highway would be a dynamic speed limit; specially in beltways that always are at maximum or near maximum capacity. Put a lot of radar guns or speed traps to form a picture of how fast everyone is going, then implement an 80-percentile rule. So when you get on a highway rather than seeing “120km/h” you see “110 -130" when it’s empty and “50-80"when it’s at some capacity.

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 13:04

I’ve considered putting a massive horn cluster in my DD for these occurrences . They will wonder if there is a fire truck or something and probably not suspect my CRV.

facw > Spanfeller is a twat
08/09/2018 at 13:05

I don’t know if Mexico uses a similar system, but here in the US, highway operators can often use toll transponders to track traffic (and I’m sure they will be able to use license plate readers soon, if they can’t already), which is how they feed signs telling you how long it will take to reach various interchanges. It would be pretty trivial to use that data to set speed limits based on how well traffic is flowing. While there are some roads with variable speed limits, they are few and far between. Could use more though, it sucks having to go slow on a big empty freeway just because it is packed at rush hours.

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > LOREM IPSUM
08/09/2018 at 13:06

When Uber first started in SF a guy blocked a lane to wait during rush hour and I was right behind him followed by ten cars. My USMC brain snapped and I started opening my door, I can’t remember what I said, I was in the red zone, but that dude put his car in gear in short order and took off.

Spanfeller is a twat > facw
08/09/2018 at 13:10

In Mexico we don’t have traffic rules... You drive on the right and that’s about it.

I think variable limits could work because you control the flow much more carefully and that could help reduce traffic. Knowledge (data) is power.

LOREM IPSUM > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 13:32

If I were driving a beater an d co mpletely lost my mind, I might have just been com pelled to have gone WOT and squeezed between them at 60kph.

Probably not really though. Probably. Maybe.

LOREM IPSUM > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)
08/09/2018 at 13:40

I’m not an inherently mean or violent person, but I am over 6' tall, closer to 300 than 2, and have a command voice that would make a pitbull reconsider it’s actions.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of people who would probably dummy me if it came right down to it, but none have ever seemed willing to take their chances. Not that I go around shouting and menacing much, lol.

Montalvo > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 14:11

Kinja'd!!!

There is a special circle in hell waiting for them... I am surprised that person could even fit in their car with how massive their ego is.

NKato > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 16:06

What would I do? PIT MANEUVER TIME. Would turn the four-door hatchback into the van with a little pressure applied to the right rear quarter panel.

Fuck this shit.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 17:07

Wow. What the heck was that guy's problem?

LOREM IPSUM > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)
08/09/2018 at 17:24

Mortar would be useful. Front toward enemy, right?

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > Spanfeller is a twat
08/09/2018 at 20:51

Or just remove the speed limits and let traffic figure it out. I’ve read that the states that do that during the daytime find that drivers are more courteous and the overall speeds don’t get too crazy. But that was a little while ago that i read that.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/09/2018 at 21:01

I’m one of the people who like to “Frozen” it... just let it go... I’d be pretty pissed in this situation as well, but I would’ve dove bombed into the left lane as soon as jackass #1 pulled out into that small opening at the beginning of the d-baggery. If I were one of the people in front of the double D-bags I may have tried to pick the inside guy off and have traffic zip around on the inside, but tough to say. Further back in the line I would be pretty pissed, but at that point not much you can do.

boxrocket > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/10/2018 at 01:40

I think the problem stems from the fact that everyone was on the wrong side of the road.

duurtlang > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/10/2018 at 04:15

Basically, limits are so low “Slower Traffic Keep Right” doesn’t actually work because the slow traffic is usually already speeding.

Speed l imits are irrelevant to lane discipline though. It’s about relative speed compared to other traffic. You drive on the right, unless when you’re overtaking. Doesn’t matter if you’re 20 over or 20 under the speed limit, the default is that you drive on the right whenever you can .

duurtlang > facw
08/10/2018 at 04:17

That is what I would’ve done too. I would’ve called the police, would’ve explained that 1-2 cars are actively and willingly making this traffic jam at specific location X worse without good reason, would’ve named the licence plates plus type of car and I would’ve told the police I’ve got dash cam video to prove it.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > OPPOsaurus WRX
08/10/2018 at 08:15

Yes. With his transmission dipstick.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Spanfeller is a twat
08/10/2018 at 08:18

What I would like to see is limits only in force in inclement weather, and the rest of the time wide open... you could still get a ticket for being an ass but the moneygrabber shit would go out the window.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)
08/10/2018 at 08:20

I have a friend with strobes front and back and a siren.

- He isn’t a cop.

- The car is a Sonata. (I mean I GUESS it has a similar grille shape?)

- It’s not actually his car.

Personally I think he’s a bit spun to do that kind of stuff, but I’d love to be riding with him in this situation

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > LOREM IPSUM
08/10/2018 at 08:21

I’ve long cried for forward-facing machine guns and Toyota detectors to be standard equipment

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > LOREM IPSUM
08/10/2018 at 08:22

I have a narrow enough vehicle I might just have tried it...

To hell with the paint. I can bill them later.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Montalvo
08/10/2018 at 08:24

Maybe they got in small and never left.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > NKato
08/10/2018 at 08:24

Steel bumpers ftmfw

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > BaconSandwich is tasty.
08/10/2018 at 08:26

Control freak with an inferiority complex?

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc
08/10/2018 at 08:30

Knowing what happened I’d probably have run around him at WOT as he pulled out... without knowing what happened I’d assume it was “Prius Syndrome” and that they weren’t going to be a total ass.

Being in front I’d have tried the some thing, but both guys would have stopped since they were pacing each other anyways. However if the guy in front of the Ford tried to help and I was behind the Kia, I think I’d have tried to push the Kia.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > boxrocket
08/10/2018 at 08:31

Poor guy, he was JUST trying to get into the slow lane...

NOPE

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > duurtlang
08/10/2018 at 08:34

YOU know that, and I know that, but for so many of these assholes it literally means “I’m already going at or above the limit, therefore I am not Slower Traffic”. And like I said it’s hard to make an obstructing traffic charge stick if you were already speeding... getting passed on the right is pretty black and white.

Spanfeller is a twat > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc
08/10/2018 at 08:35

I’d settle at 150km/h

Spanfeller is a twat > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
08/10/2018 at 08:36

To have the money grabbing shit out of the window we’d have to raise taxes

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Spanfeller is a twat
08/10/2018 at 09:00

#1, if they could manage their money properly they wouldn’t have to. Remember that by removing that cash flow you’re also cutting costs because you don’t need so much traffic enforcement.

#2, I’d rather pay the tax. It would be a negligible increase since it would be coming from everyone instead of a minority of the public, and besides that taxes don’t affect your insurance rates... which happen to be killer here already.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Spanfeller is a twat
08/10/2018 at 09:03

Raise it another 10km/h and I wouldn’t have bothered to get my governor removed :)

It was set at 160... I could just hold my foot down all day.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > Spanfeller is a twat
08/10/2018 at 09:50

That’s about 93 in freedom units.... that’d be alright, but once there is a limit out there everyone will drive to the limit and there will always be somebody exceeding it. The idea behind the no limit is it lets people drive what’s comfortable to them, but then if they are going slow, there is no righteous left lane assholes to think that they can hang out there because they are going the speed limit, or slightly above.

But again, that writeup was years ago, and nowadays, it seems we’ve lost a lot of the consideration on the road that was present scarcely to begin with. I swear you could take the mirrors off of most people’s cars and they wouldn’t even notice.

functionoverfashion > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
09/07/2018 at 14:47

I wouldn’t have fared well in that situation.

I wrote up a thing about someone unwilling to merge into traffic in a GIANT GAP that, because she hesitated (yes, it was a woman, I saw her face and also her license plate was MARYANN), caused me to be stopped dead for 14 minutes waiting for a construction crew to clear the road. With two hot, tired, and hungry small children in the back, on a blazing hot day. I could have killed Maryann. There’s more to the story if you’re bored.

https://oppositelock.kinja.com/rumble-strips-and-a-dead-cat-1788243947

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > functionoverfashion
09/07/2018 at 16:41

Sounds like someone needed a smack. In a similar vein, people who can’t use merge lanes like this and instead wait at the start of them for traffic to stop. GAHHHH

Also you reminded me of someone I encountered the other day... Beige Merc SUV, we’re both stuck behind a tractor. I get to my turn, and they turn in front of me. Not a problem. I assumed the tractor was holding them up, after all. But noooo... it becomes abundantly clear very quickly that they just don’t plan on moving. So I pass them. Now I don’t want to go balls out because my destination is on this same street, wasn’t sure how far up but I don’t like blowing by people just to stop and let them pass me again... besides the slower the person often the more touchy they can be so I like to have the high ground. So, I merely do the limit regardless of how low it is (varying 50-70km/h in a rural area) so I don’t look like a dick, no matter how irrational that conclusion may be. As I get further away, it appears from the rate the gap is widening that as opposed to getting up to speed slowly, they aren’t getting up to speed at all.

So I decide to try a little experiment. I stick at the limit until I reach my destination (about 10km/10min distance, further than I expected) , and then start a timer to see how long it took for them to catch up. It was about lunchtime so I could afford to stop and wait after my errand for them while I ate. As it happened, it took 11 and a half minutes . They had traveled at an average of less than 30km/h for 10km. On a rural road. What. The hell.

functionoverfashion > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
09/10/2018 at 09:36

Wow, I really do wonder what makes someone go 1/2 the speed of traffic, or worse.

BJ > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
10/11/2018 at 08:42

You’re not allowed to drive in that lane, so I’m going to drive in that lane to prevent you from doing so...

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > BJ
10/11/2018 at 08:51

But you ARE allowed to drive in that lane. Which is what pisses me off. It’s not like it was a bunch of people

*Here I realized you were probably talking about the video rather than me, because obviously I didn’t give any details. Fuck it, I’m continuing.*

using the merge lane to bypass the traffic, it was people MERGING. Because the road squishes from 3 to 2 to 1 lane fair ly quickly where we were. And you had to step in and obstruct traffic because you didn’t like those people using what was left of their lane. TO MERGE. And as a result it was much harder for them TO MERGE. Resulting in a much bigger line than was going to build up otherwise. Fuck you and all your offspring, X5 person.

bob and john > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
10/11/2018 at 09:17

things like this make me realize a huge 2500 with a very study and scratched bullbar makes a lot of sense

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > bob and john
10/11/2018 at 09:21

Yeah, that could get fun.

The problem is it’s kinda hard to intimidate from 4-5 cars back in the line. And harder to get around on a narrow shoulder. But it’s admittedly temptacious

PyramidHat > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)
10/11/2018 at 09:33

Got me some Hella Supertines for the Outback...118 dB should get their attention...

bob and john > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
10/11/2018 at 09:37

if I want to get around, Id take the bike.

i’m going THROUGH this motherfucker one way or another

Future next gen S2000 owner > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
10/11/2018 at 09:58

I’m glad to see this isn’t a uniquely american habit.

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
10/11/2018 at 10:22

Why go around when you can go through?

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > bob and john
10/11/2018 at 10:35

They definitely deserve it.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Future next gen S2000 owner
10/11/2018 at 10:35

How dare you wish your idiots on others.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness
10/11/2018 at 10:36

This is not an incorrect observation.

Future next gen S2000 owner > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
10/11/2018 at 10:37

We came from Yurup. We brought their idiots along with us. Some just stayed behind.

BJ > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
10/11/2018 at 21:33

Kinja'd!!!

Commuting is stressful. I like taking public transit and my bicycle.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > BJ
10/15/2018 at 08:24

Public transit is awful (and expensive) and biking is slow. I like driving :)

BJ > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
10/15/2018 at 12:10

I have access to the Metro (subway) and my monthly pass is paid by my employer. And you obviously don’t commute on bike like I do - it’s usually as fast as , if not faster than, the metro... :)

BJ > BJ
10/15/2018 at 13:08

I don't mean to say I ride 70 km/h, but the door-to-door time is about the same, depending on how long I wait for a train to come!

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > BJ
10/16/2018 at 10:17

Biking for me would also be right along the same time as transit. But they’re BOTH slow.

But a free transit pass is definitely a pretty heavy weight in the balance.